Violence against women

(reponse to readings from Kirk)

     I found myself deeply disturbed by this class’s unit on violence against women.  Not only is it an endemic problem (1/4 to 1/5 women have been sexually assaulted), it is mostly perpetrated by men that are known to the women – friends, boyfriends, lovers.  3% of men who were murdered were murdered by their wives.  33% of women who are murdered are killed by their husbands.

     “Every year, as many as 4 million American women are physically abused by men who promised to love them” (Kirk p. 260)

     Violence against women often goes unreported.  Sometimes, the trauma of a rape will cause a woman to not immediately report a rape.  In that case, a legal statute of limitations imposed by the patriarchy prevents women from seeking justice on old crimes.  The truth of the matter however is that women need time to recover and feel strong enough to fight for their rights after such violation.

     “Between 1992 and 2000, an estimated 63 percent of completed rapes and 65 percent of attempted rapes were not reported to the police” (Kirk p. 262)

     In Radical Pleasure, we learn that recovery from rape is anything but ordinary.  We must overcome our tendency to dwell in the victim position and remain feeling powerless.  Simultaneously, we cannot be consumed by hate against our attackers:

     “When we refuse healing for the sake of rage, we are remaking ourselves in the image of those who hurt us, becoming the embodiment of the wound, forsaking both ourselves and the abandoned children who grew up to torment us.”

     This quote highlights the role that society plays in raising individual men who are violent against women.  One researcher noticed that rapists and those who were violent against women seemed to be normal men.  I would assert that they are not normal men, that appearances can be deceiving.  Social gendering starts at a young age, filling men’s heads with images of objectified women, and objects are acceptable targets for violence and sexuality, because they are dehumanized and marginalized in the media and in every day interactions.

     What are the causes of violence against women?  There are some factors that contribute to women’s bad position in society.  Economically, women earn less than men and are often dependant upon spouses who are abusive and know they have their women in between a rock and a hard place financially.  Sexual harassment in the workplace is the fusion of two powerful positions – boss over employee, and man over woman.  Women are an elected minority in American government.  More women than men favor gun control, banning the international arms trade, reductions in military spending, and disarmament.  These are larger manifestations of the violence of the world’s patriarchies.  The heads of our countries fight each other by conscripting out nations youth into the military.  The tendency towards violence by the patriarchy is strong, whether it is expressing itself as violence against women or violence against other countries.

     In “I am not a rapist,” men are invited to discuss and discover what it means to live in a society where men are feared.  Basically it’s a sad state, but it highlights an issue.  I have accidentally physically harmed my spouse before, and I still feel guilty about it, but I think it was situational.  I’m not a violent person, but I’ve committed violence against women.  I’ve also made amendments to wield my physical body more carefully.. Even a strong finger can leave a bruise.  I live with the monster that I have shown myself to be in some ways.  And when I encounter women who have experienced men’s degradation, I know my own acute shame from when I harmed my wife.  I think it’s good that I have shame and feelings about it – the problem is when there is denial, and no amendment of change.

     I find myself asking, what can an individual really do to change anything?  Not only am I isolated, I feel like my voice is a whisper in a sea of shouting.  How can we change the capitalist-military regime?  We will never be able to address violence against women on a microscopic level if we do not address the global manifestations of violence that are in the news every day.  We could live on a paradise planet, but the patriarchy and capitalism give us economic disparity, wealth disparity, rights disparities.  As an individual I have to make individual changes, and with what power I do have, I have to wield it to increase women’s rights.  And what would I do if I had the whole planet at my command?  What changes would I make, how would I make it work?

    I mean, ultimately this class is about discovering and implementing a better societal system.  We need world unity and we need some more socialist values – capitalism has raped our women and our wallets long enough.  How about we create a system that maximizes human happiness instead of putting the most dollars in the fewest pockets?  We need a system that doesn’t channel all the dollars and resources into the hands of the few.